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Forty years of Groovy Single Gals

May 31, 2008

                       (Originally posted on The Huffington Post) 

 

   I don’t think of any of us who, in 1968, felt like rare kayakers pushing off from the known continent called You Had To Get Married Right After College could imagine that 40 years later there’d be a stiletto stampede to see the film poised to exponentially phenomenize the already –branded notion that single, sexual women are an enviable species. That’s because back then– when Joni Mitchell was elegizing her 15th St. half-floor-through in “Chelsea Morning,” and Carly Simon was moving into the Murray Hill walk-up where, she’s said ,“I hated to sleep alone and because it was the Sixties I never had to,” and Carole King was leaving a New Jersey tract house and husband for sexy Laurel Canyon–we were just a few years away from novels (not just Rona Jaffe’s but Keroauc’s) that painted unattached female non-virgins exactly one color: desperate.

   What would those first-generation  Quixotes– the Girls Like Us (GLU), if you will– have done if, in 1968, they’d accidentally (bad Owsley?) time-zoomed to some strange America where guys typed, huge corporations (“Google”? “Yahoo”?) had been named by Wavy Gravy, and music rebels preened on red carpets like Rock Hudson and Doris Day. And: What if today’s Blackberried, 401-k’d babes, crackling-with-self-referential jargon -–the Sex And the City-ites (SATC)—were tasked with devising a Power-Point imagining template for their quaint, Qaunt’d foremoms in their exposed-brick lairs.

       Here – along the lines of a French/English, English/French Pocket Webster’s– is a brief two-way translation, just in case.    

 

 

 

                 SEX IN THE CITY TO GIRLS LIKE US  DICTIONARY

 

                  SATC                                                 GLU

 

(1) LARGE, ROUND, FLAT, WHITE, REGULARLY INGESTED ITEM

 

Chevre mound on frisee salad                   Enovid birth control pill

 

(2) BODY ART

 

Small-of-back                                                     Hairy armpits

Butterly tat

 

(3) PREGNANCY

 

Condition befalling your               Something you faked, by way of girdle

 friend who caved, married,

 and                                               in which you smuggled hash out of Afghanistan

moved to                                                   

Westchester

 

 

 

(4) DATE            

 

Rite male invites                              Oblong candied foodstuff, popular in holiday

female on; sleeping with same                        baskets

on first of which Carrie

ponders efficacy of

 

 

(5) WARDROBE FROM:

 

Marc Jacobs                              Paraphernalia

 

 

(6)  ZINGY ONE-LINERS SUPPLIED BY:

 

Sanford Blatch                            Timothy Leary

 

 

(7) WITTY GAMBIT THAT BACKFIRED

 

Carrie strutting on the catwalk

During Fashion Week                      Grace Slick bringing Abbie Hoffman to her Finch 

                                                       College reunion                                             

  

 

(8)  PRISSY DEB WITH  BIG HOTEL WEDDING

 

Charlotte                                   Tricia Nixon

 

 

 

(9) YOU-GO-GIRL LAY SOCIOLOGIST

 

Carrie                                   Isadora Wing

 

 

(10) NO-CRAP-TAKING LAWYER CHICK

 

Miranda                                    Bernardine Dohrn

 

(11)  IMPERIOUS BABE WHO SLEPT WITH EVERYBODY

 

Samantha                         Linda Eastman

 

 

 

 (12) JOCK CRUSH

 

Derek Jeter                            Sandy Koufax

 

 

(13) EXPLETIVE-BIFURCATED MALE WAR WHOOP

 

“Abso- f—ing – lutely!”:       “Far – F—ing – out, man!:”
Big, in Episode One               Crosby, Stills and Nash roadie, any time

 

 

 

(14) BOYFRIEND’S FAVORED FORM OF TRANSPORT

 

Car and driver                               Marrakesh Express  

 

(15) HOST WITH MOST

 

   Amy Sacco                                 Mickey Ruskin     

 

 

(16) CLOSETED HUSBAND

 

played by Nathan Lane;

marries Bitsy

in  Hamptons                                                  Jann Wenner

 

 

 

  GIRLS LIKE US TO SEX AND THE CITY DICTIONARY

 

           GLU                                                 SATC

 

(1) OUTRAGE INDUCED BY:

 

Getting gomorrhea

1n Third World country            Being broken up with on a post it note

 

(2) PHILOSOPHICAL TRUISM

 

“I really don’t know                              “He’s just not that into you”

Love at all”

 

 

 

 

(3) MONO-MONIKERED EMO MAN

 

Donovan                                        Berger

 

 

(4) OVERRATED CROWD-MAGNET

 

Woodstock                          Magnolia Bakery 

 

 

 

(5) LURKING IN BUSHES EVERYWHERE:

 

                                     

Narcs                                  Frenemies

 

 

(6) MOST INEXPLICABLE MATE-DUMP

 

Benjamin Braddock        Miranda ditching Dr. Robert Leeds (Blair Underwood)

Two-timing Elaine         to go back with Steve

For Elaine’s mother,

Mrs. Robinson

 

 

(7) MALE NOVELIST WHO INADVERTENTLY LAUNCHED THE SCENE

 

Leonard Cohen                              Jay McInerney

 

 

(8) “SHOE”  +  “ADDICTION” IS  A:

                                                               

Nonsequitor                                               -priori

 

 

(9) BACHELORETTE PAD MUST-HAVE

 

Incense owls                                           500-thread-count Pratesis

 

 

(10)  A BRIEF HISTORY OF CHICK-GROUPS:                 

 

Gen One: The Chantels, The Cookies,        Gen One: Gloria Vanderbilt,

                                                                      Oona O’Neill, Carol Matthau

The Shirelles                                                 Gen Two: Mary, Rhoda and Phyllis

Gen Two: The Crystals, The Ronettes,         Gen Three: Carrie, Miranda,

The ShanGriLas                                             Charlotte and Samantha

Gen Three: Martha and the Vandellas,

The Marvelettes, the Supremes

 

(11) CELEBRITY GIRL CRUSH

 

Julie Christie                                            Gwyneth Paltrow

 

(12) DEALING WITH BEING SINGLE BY CHOICE

 

“With a heart that’s full and              With acceptance, camaraderie,  laughter …

Hollow, like a cactus tree”               and a shitload of Cosmopolitans!

 

 

 

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One comment

  1. Hi, Sheila. I really enjoyed the book.

    These three singer/songwriters’ works were a staple of my college radio shows during the 70s. When any of the three of them released a new album, I’d be at the store immediately to buy it. Although their music and their lives were diverse, I always thought of the three to be “linked” and was REALLY happy to see that you had written about them in one book.

    I find it very interesting (but not particularly startling) that Carly Simon is the only one of the three who spoke with you (and initiated the contact), that Joni Mitchell did not want to be part of a book with two others (seems to me to be an extension of the dichotomy of her personality – fiercely independent and tough while unable or unwilling to accept criticism) and that Carole King was seemingly ambivalent about her “assistance” on your book (accepting it initially but then telling people not to talk to you.)

    King appears to me to be the most “mysterious” of the three individuals. When I read about how the lives of Mitchell and Simon progressed, there was not much about your descriptions of their later years that was “out of character.” King, on the other hand, seems to still be searching for her “center.” She is someone who has what I call the “Mother Earth” framework of nurturing mother and caregiver but doesn’t really seem to be happy in that mode. She appears to be less at peace with her life than either Mitchell or Simon (at least from your description of the three.)

    Anyway, they have made wonderful music that I continue to enjoy.

    Thanks for enriching all of us by your fine work.



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